I was talking to Dan about high school memories and realized, that I barely remember anything. I have a handful of memories. Sometimes, if I see a picture, it comes back, but he was talking about things that I had absolutely no memory of whatsoever. I was there and there is nothing.
So, to prevent that, I at least want to have an idea of what my life has been filled with when I try to remember it 10 years from now.
Jackson:
Jackson is now 8. EIGHT! I don't even know how that happened! He is about to wrap up 2nd grade and has had a pretty good year. Of course, there have been all kinds of challenges for him, primarily choosing to focus when he would rather be thinking all the interesting thoughts in his head.
He also likes to invade other's personal space, and gets into trouble for it regularly. What started as an interest in building, has definitely been developing into a talent for creativity. He builds bridges and houses and all kinds of things with popsicle sticks and hot glue.
He tapes. EVERYTHING! Before we moved from the Shop, I spent a good portion of time, peeling tape from off of all the things. Walls, toys, furniture, carpets, door handles. EVERYWHERE!
We have a rule in the new house, that he is NOT allowed to put any tape anywhere but on the specific project he is working on and that also means he is not allowed to tape the walls or any furniture.
He has learned to read fairly well, and been working on his guitar and has been making good progress in it. Though the practicing scene this year has been REALLY fun. <garh>
He is doing his recital in a few days and that should be interesting. He has talent and actually wants to do everything by ear, but I have been a hard ass on making him learn to read the music too.
He's had all kinds of issues this year with Gabriel DiGloria and that has been a hard one for me to know what to say and how to help him through it.
So much about this boy is amazing and kind of exceptional, and then he is just a grubby little boy, who still throws fits and whines about a lot of things.
He is fantastic and I'm lucky to be his mom, but boy do I need wisdom to teach him what he needs to learn! HELP!
He is still having accidents regularly and I am kind of lost as to what to do. We've been really careful not to make it a huge issue. He doesn't get into trouble and we don't look at him disapprovingly or make him feel bad about it. I don't want this to be a scar. BUT, I also want to help him be finished with it and so I am trying to find the line between too much, and pushing him a little bit to become more aware of his body and not wait until he is having to pinch it off, to go pee during the day, so he becomes aware of the signals before it's an emergency. I think it will correlate at night, because he will realize before it's actually coming out that he needs to wake up and go. We'll see.
Jackson is now 8. EIGHT! I don't even know how that happened! He is about to wrap up 2nd grade and has had a pretty good year. Of course, there have been all kinds of challenges for him, primarily choosing to focus when he would rather be thinking all the interesting thoughts in his head.
He also likes to invade other's personal space, and gets into trouble for it regularly. What started as an interest in building, has definitely been developing into a talent for creativity. He builds bridges and houses and all kinds of things with popsicle sticks and hot glue.
He tapes. EVERYTHING! Before we moved from the Shop, I spent a good portion of time, peeling tape from off of all the things. Walls, toys, furniture, carpets, door handles. EVERYWHERE!
We have a rule in the new house, that he is NOT allowed to put any tape anywhere but on the specific project he is working on and that also means he is not allowed to tape the walls or any furniture.
He has learned to read fairly well, and been working on his guitar and has been making good progress in it. Though the practicing scene this year has been REALLY fun. <garh>
He is doing his recital in a few days and that should be interesting. He has talent and actually wants to do everything by ear, but I have been a hard ass on making him learn to read the music too.
He's had all kinds of issues this year with Gabriel DiGloria and that has been a hard one for me to know what to say and how to help him through it.
So much about this boy is amazing and kind of exceptional, and then he is just a grubby little boy, who still throws fits and whines about a lot of things.
He is fantastic and I'm lucky to be his mom, but boy do I need wisdom to teach him what he needs to learn! HELP!
He is still having accidents regularly and I am kind of lost as to what to do. We've been really careful not to make it a huge issue. He doesn't get into trouble and we don't look at him disapprovingly or make him feel bad about it. I don't want this to be a scar. BUT, I also want to help him be finished with it and so I am trying to find the line between too much, and pushing him a little bit to become more aware of his body and not wait until he is having to pinch it off, to go pee during the day, so he becomes aware of the signals before it's an emergency. I think it will correlate at night, because he will realize before it's actually coming out that he needs to wake up and go. We'll see.
Emma:
Emmay Joy. This girl. I was telling Dan last night about all the things I had written about her when Juliet was a baby. It seems, that every month, I was talking about the struggles that we were having with here. He asked me what they were, and I said, "arguing with everything, dramatic and falling apart and the drop of a hat and crying about everything." I stopped and was like, pretty much the same stuff as now! Three years later. She has come a long way and she is an amazing little girl. Yet, she still falls about and wails about the least thing. She still challenges us on EVERYTHING we say, and she still likes to be dramatic. I was thinking yesterday as I was praying for her, that I shouldn't be trying to change the way she is. Or try to make her less emotional or less dramatic. I need to help her harness that, and teach her how to handle her emotions. I am not supposed to change her person, only direct it and mold it into the shape it should be.
Anyway, all that to say, Emma. She has done SOOOO well in school. Much better then I was anticipating. She takes to school like a duck takes to water. She loves to learn and do things and is smart and can be. She can memorize just about anything almost immediately.
Her struggles are when she decides she knows better and won't listen to her teacher or to her parents. (and her brother.) She can also be a bit a jerk to her friends. We had to get on her for being mean to Jordan. She was criticizing everything Jordan said and putting her down for no reason. (There's never a good reason to put someone down.)
I was asked to come be at school with her one every other week and I felt like I really should because of it giving me the opportunity to spend one on one, specific attention on her. It's been really good, though not the most fascinating thing in the world. I am DEFINITELY not a teacher (other then being a mom) and won't be doing it again if I can help it. But I am glad to have had the chance to see her in her element, without the other two around.
Like I said, she shines in school and when getting up in front of people. She is a born performer and also one of the most genuinely friendly people I've ever known. She did NOT get that from me!
Her EOY play is happening in two weeks and I hope that goes well, but I expect her to shine yet again.
We're still working on her blanky/sucking her thumb. Hoping to make more progress on that this summer. She no longer sucks her thumb habitually, but every once in a while we catch her at it.
Emmay Joy. This girl. I was telling Dan last night about all the things I had written about her when Juliet was a baby. It seems, that every month, I was talking about the struggles that we were having with here. He asked me what they were, and I said, "arguing with everything, dramatic and falling apart and the drop of a hat and crying about everything." I stopped and was like, pretty much the same stuff as now! Three years later. She has come a long way and she is an amazing little girl. Yet, she still falls about and wails about the least thing. She still challenges us on EVERYTHING we say, and she still likes to be dramatic. I was thinking yesterday as I was praying for her, that I shouldn't be trying to change the way she is. Or try to make her less emotional or less dramatic. I need to help her harness that, and teach her how to handle her emotions. I am not supposed to change her person, only direct it and mold it into the shape it should be.
Anyway, all that to say, Emma. She has done SOOOO well in school. Much better then I was anticipating. She takes to school like a duck takes to water. She loves to learn and do things and is smart and can be. She can memorize just about anything almost immediately.
Her struggles are when she decides she knows better and won't listen to her teacher or to her parents. (and her brother.) She can also be a bit a jerk to her friends. We had to get on her for being mean to Jordan. She was criticizing everything Jordan said and putting her down for no reason. (There's never a good reason to put someone down.)
I was asked to come be at school with her one every other week and I felt like I really should because of it giving me the opportunity to spend one on one, specific attention on her. It's been really good, though not the most fascinating thing in the world. I am DEFINITELY not a teacher (other then being a mom) and won't be doing it again if I can help it. But I am glad to have had the chance to see her in her element, without the other two around.
Like I said, she shines in school and when getting up in front of people. She is a born performer and also one of the most genuinely friendly people I've ever known. She did NOT get that from me!
Her EOY play is happening in two weeks and I hope that goes well, but I expect her to shine yet again.
We're still working on her blanky/sucking her thumb. Hoping to make more progress on that this summer. She no longer sucks her thumb habitually, but every once in a while we catch her at it.
Juliet:
My Julie girl. This child is a big ball of energy, sass, and fun. She is exactly what I thought her personality would be from the very first weeks of life. She loves to joke and play, she is sweet and fun, and she is sassy as the day is long. She is well in the threenager stage and flexing all her willful muscles. She likes to say things to get reactions. The other morning Dan put her on our bed, as usual to wake up and get dressed. She always asks for the Grinch blanket and he put it on her. She then says, "Dad, you MUST wrap it behind me!" We looked at each other and were like, "oh we must, must we?" Such a character. Her drawing skills have just ramped up and she has been drawing the large heads with legs poking off them. This morning, the family portrait, looked like a lot of scary looking snakes. :)
She is just as dramatic as Emma, and maybe even more so. I am not sure what I've don't to deserve it, but I am definitely paying for my sins! The drama about skirts! DAILY! She wants to wear all of Emma's clothes, even though they are all way too big for her. She also wants to dress up all the time and she spent at least a month asking Joy if she could borrow Jeneane's special pink dress. I finally had to tell her that she wasn't allowed to ask anymore unless she was WITH Joy.
Speaking of which, Joy is the favorite teacher and she hardly ever gets to be with her, so there are lots of tears whenever she is on childcare and with other people. Oh the fun.
She is still sucking her thumb and snuggling her blanky. When she can't get it, she borrows Emma's, which is just as yucky and used. But whatever.
She is just as dramatic as Emma, and maybe even more so. I am not sure what I've don't to deserve it, but I am definitely paying for my sins! The drama about skirts! DAILY! She wants to wear all of Emma's clothes, even though they are all way too big for her. She also wants to dress up all the time and she spent at least a month asking Joy if she could borrow Jeneane's special pink dress. I finally had to tell her that she wasn't allowed to ask anymore unless she was WITH Joy.
Speaking of which, Joy is the favorite teacher and she hardly ever gets to be with her, so there are lots of tears whenever she is on childcare and with other people. Oh the fun.
She is still sucking her thumb and snuggling her blanky. When she can't get it, she borrows Emma's, which is just as yucky and used. But whatever.
Fitness:
Still doing Crossfit 5 days a week. I have given up on the idea of getting 6 days. Every once in a while I can do it, but I honestly don't have enough energy for it. My body is already just TIRED a lot of the time and I don't want to push it to adrenal fatigue anymore then I already have. So, I do the Invictus Performance work outs and have seen a lot of progress over the last three years. All my lifts are getting better, my gymnastics are moving along, albeit, slowly, but there is still progress. The only thing that has suffered is running. I just can't go nearly as fast as I used too. It doesn't surprise me, and I know that I could add it back in and get better at it, but I just don't want too. A few reasons being, I don't have the time to add on to my current WOD's and secondly, I don't have the energy. I think if I added two days of running, I would get better again, and I would lean out a bit. But I honestly don't think it will happen.
My goal for the next year is to get some of the gymnastic movements down and improve my form on some of the trickier lifts. EVERYTHING overhead would be good.
Still doing Crossfit 5 days a week. I have given up on the idea of getting 6 days. Every once in a while I can do it, but I honestly don't have enough energy for it. My body is already just TIRED a lot of the time and I don't want to push it to adrenal fatigue anymore then I already have. So, I do the Invictus Performance work outs and have seen a lot of progress over the last three years. All my lifts are getting better, my gymnastics are moving along, albeit, slowly, but there is still progress. The only thing that has suffered is running. I just can't go nearly as fast as I used too. It doesn't surprise me, and I know that I could add it back in and get better at it, but I just don't want too. A few reasons being, I don't have the time to add on to my current WOD's and secondly, I don't have the energy. I think if I added two days of running, I would get better again, and I would lean out a bit. But I honestly don't think it will happen.
My goal for the next year is to get some of the gymnastic movements down and improve my form on some of the trickier lifts. EVERYTHING overhead would be good.
- Handstand walking - getting it but it's definitely a work in progress.
- BMU - need to eliminate the chicken wing and get endurance
- Strict HSPU - These are so damn hard! I can sometimes get a few, but very limited and not all the time.
- RMU - GRRR. I need to have a focused effort on these and get strict first, but I have little time to work on accessories. Also I have to be careful because my body starts breaking down and things start getting strained. Like weird muscles under my clavicle and elbow/forearm tendons and things.
- I also need to figure out how to string CTB pull ups together. I can do a lot of them in singles, but have no ability to do them kipping in large sets.
- Snatch - these are getting better, but still need help.
- JERK! I am so bad at this.
Health:
My health has been iffy this last year. Mostly my gut health, and subsequently my hormone health. I am fairly sure I have IBS to some degree, as a lot of my symptoms match up with it. So, brain fog, blood sugar crashes, night sweats, hot flashes, fatigue , major gut issues etc.
It's been very irritating. I had blood work done a while ago and while all my levels were "in normal range", I don't feel good and there is definitely a hormone imbalance happening as well. I have been supplementing with an adrenal booster and thyroid help. But I haven't noticed any kind of improvement. Maybe I'm even taking the wrong things.... who knows.
Last fall, I had a colon spasm episode, where I was in so much pain that I thought I might pass out. I was unable to stop moving and walking/pacing around and I was in tears. The cramping was so intense, it definitely compared to labor. Only worse, because there was no letting up and rhythm to it. I took one of Dan's Hydrocodone pills from his procedure (he got the snip!) and it didn't touch the pain for like 30 - 45 minutes. It sucked. But I didn't learn my lesson, because after a few stressful weeks and eating way too much bread, I had another gut crisis a few weeks ago. After 4 days of a lot of pain and feeling absolutely wretched, I decided to stop being an idiot and fix my health. So, I started taking all the supplements again, and have cut out bread and wheat, since I know it's a trigger for sure.
I am doing NONE for a month and then if I am still messed up after that, I will cut way back on dairy and then if that still isn't fixing it, will look at grains and things. It is much more manageable to work backwards then to cut everything out and then add things back in.
I am about two weeks in and am feeling better, though not great. I still am bloated and retaining a lot of water and I am not sure why or how to fix it. I do know that I need to cut back on sugar as well and not eat so much period, but like usual, I am hungry a good portion of the time and I find it really hard not to snack when I am at the office. I don't mean a snack here or there, but a steady constant putting food in my mouth all morning long.
I do feel like I am making steps in the right direction, but I might need to get some help from an online Dr. if I can't get things under control.
I have been thinking that I should start taking my temps again, to see what is happening with my cycle and have more information, but of course I haven't done that again yet.
I still sit at about 145 or slightly higher most of the time, despite wanting to be at 140 and even giving it a go earlier this year. I got down to 141 and then my guts went to hell and now it's fluctuating all over the place.
If I'm honest, I look about like I did 7 months PP and while not being SUPER happy with my body, I am also no really unhappy with it. I would like to lean out a bit, stop having a pooch and all that. But at this point, the whole focus is on my guts to heal them and fix my hormone issues.
It's been very irritating. I had blood work done a while ago and while all my levels were "in normal range", I don't feel good and there is definitely a hormone imbalance happening as well. I have been supplementing with an adrenal booster and thyroid help. But I haven't noticed any kind of improvement. Maybe I'm even taking the wrong things.... who knows.
Last fall, I had a colon spasm episode, where I was in so much pain that I thought I might pass out. I was unable to stop moving and walking/pacing around and I was in tears. The cramping was so intense, it definitely compared to labor. Only worse, because there was no letting up and rhythm to it. I took one of Dan's Hydrocodone pills from his procedure (he got the snip!) and it didn't touch the pain for like 30 - 45 minutes. It sucked. But I didn't learn my lesson, because after a few stressful weeks and eating way too much bread, I had another gut crisis a few weeks ago. After 4 days of a lot of pain and feeling absolutely wretched, I decided to stop being an idiot and fix my health. So, I started taking all the supplements again, and have cut out bread and wheat, since I know it's a trigger for sure.
I am doing NONE for a month and then if I am still messed up after that, I will cut way back on dairy and then if that still isn't fixing it, will look at grains and things. It is much more manageable to work backwards then to cut everything out and then add things back in.
I am about two weeks in and am feeling better, though not great. I still am bloated and retaining a lot of water and I am not sure why or how to fix it. I do know that I need to cut back on sugar as well and not eat so much period, but like usual, I am hungry a good portion of the time and I find it really hard not to snack when I am at the office. I don't mean a snack here or there, but a steady constant putting food in my mouth all morning long.
I do feel like I am making steps in the right direction, but I might need to get some help from an online Dr. if I can't get things under control.
I have been thinking that I should start taking my temps again, to see what is happening with my cycle and have more information, but of course I haven't done that again yet.
I still sit at about 145 or slightly higher most of the time, despite wanting to be at 140 and even giving it a go earlier this year. I got down to 141 and then my guts went to hell and now it's fluctuating all over the place.
If I'm honest, I look about like I did 7 months PP and while not being SUPER happy with my body, I am also no really unhappy with it. I would like to lean out a bit, stop having a pooch and all that. But at this point, the whole focus is on my guts to heal them and fix my hormone issues.
Adventures:
We did our annual island adventure with a huge group of people and that was super fun. We've had countless walks up the bluff and Dan took Jack back through the moose ponds and up the backside of the bluff. I am glad I wasn't there as I think I would have died of a heart attack. I have no head for my kids being at heights!
We took the kids to the theater last winter and the swimming pool recently. Juliet has asked us every day for the past 6 months or so, if we can go camping again, and so that will be a priority this summer. Get out and camp. Yick, but I will do it for their sake.
I also took them to the island on Wednesday, and though it was really fun while it lasted, the screaming, wailing fits when it was time to go home, really put a damper on it.
We did our annual island adventure with a huge group of people and that was super fun. We've had countless walks up the bluff and Dan took Jack back through the moose ponds and up the backside of the bluff. I am glad I wasn't there as I think I would have died of a heart attack. I have no head for my kids being at heights!
We took the kids to the theater last winter and the swimming pool recently. Juliet has asked us every day for the past 6 months or so, if we can go camping again, and so that will be a priority this summer. Get out and camp. Yick, but I will do it for their sake.
I also took them to the island on Wednesday, and though it was really fun while it lasted, the screaming, wailing fits when it was time to go home, really put a damper on it.
Life:
Life has been hectic and busy and good and stressful and all the things. We've had a lot of turmoil at the farm, and a lot of people have left, but it feels like it's kind of settling down. (Fingers crossed) The hope is, that those of us that are left, actually want to be here and are really called to be here.
There are lots of school things happening the next two weeks and then we have summer. And I have all the kids with me. Lord help. Mostly the fighting between Jack and Emma. I don't know how to make them not be jerks to each other.
I have ideas of projects to do with them, but I do also know that I lose energy to fight with them and make them do things, so we'll see how that works out.
I told Dan that we must have a date night soon. Even if it's just getting rid of the kids for a few hours and a 4 wheeler ride out back with a pick nick. I just want some time alone with him without kids and without phones.
There are lots of school things happening the next two weeks and then we have summer. And I have all the kids with me. Lord help. Mostly the fighting between Jack and Emma. I don't know how to make them not be jerks to each other.
I have ideas of projects to do with them, but I do also know that I lose energy to fight with them and make them do things, so we'll see how that works out.
I told Dan that we must have a date night soon. Even if it's just getting rid of the kids for a few hours and a 4 wheeler ride out back with a pick nick. I just want some time alone with him without kids and without phones.
Special Moments:
So many birthdays this month! We had a party for Jack and then one for all the birthday girls in Emma's class. For the first time, Jack wanted a cake that tastes good instead of a fancy decorated cake. So we had angel food cake with strawberries and whip cream and fruit salad. It was a hit.
I did a horse cake for Emma and it was OK. but not my best effort.
Juliet's cake this year was a unicorn cake, since she has been obsessed with them for a good 6 months now. (This morning she asked my what Unicorn poop looked like.... )
We've had some fun times reading and eating snacks and it was really special when we got the kids Guinea pigs. Jack loved them for a few weeks, now we have to remind him to go play with them.... But Dan was super excited about it, so whatever.
Aaron and Brooke, Steven and Jinni and us, went to Fbx in February and had a weekend all together. We stayed in a rental and it was SOOOO much fun! It's definitely something we'll do again and it was a really great time together.
Earlier this year, Angela and I were talking about how we should get gifts for the people that stay, and though we laughed, we decided to do it.
We got something awesome for each of the people who work at HGC and wrote them a card to tell them what we appreciate and value about them. It was really cool.
Life Goals:
In no particular order:
Thoughts:
I was going to use this section to talk about any spiritual thoughts I have. HA! I am not having many at the moment. Most of the time, I carry around this guilt that I am not doing enough to have a relationship with God. And then if I have to give an opening or whatever, I feel like I am being religious. The devil never lets you win. There is always a voice telling you that you aren't good enough or are fake or are stupid, etc etc etc.
I set an alarm every week day that I had to stop and pray and/or read the bible. But I let myself get lazy about it and got out of the habit. I carry guilt around for that too. I do know that I need to connect, but I fight the complacency of just not wanting too. I do try to use the time when I am doing something that doesn't need focused attention, to pray and at least put a toe in the water.
I've been asking God to tell me what He wants me to do and to show me how he wants me to do it.. Like, fill the form! I don't want to be lazy about this part of my life, as it's really the most important, and considering what a flop I am making of being a good mom, I NEED the help!
I had to talk at Madeleine's baby shower and I thought of the scripture in James 1:5 where is says, "If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men Liberally.." I've been really meditating on that as I feel in sooo much need of wisdom, especially in regards to my kids.
So many birthdays this month! We had a party for Jack and then one for all the birthday girls in Emma's class. For the first time, Jack wanted a cake that tastes good instead of a fancy decorated cake. So we had angel food cake with strawberries and whip cream and fruit salad. It was a hit.
I did a horse cake for Emma and it was OK. but not my best effort.
Juliet's cake this year was a unicorn cake, since she has been obsessed with them for a good 6 months now. (This morning she asked my what Unicorn poop looked like.... )
We've had some fun times reading and eating snacks and it was really special when we got the kids Guinea pigs. Jack loved them for a few weeks, now we have to remind him to go play with them.... But Dan was super excited about it, so whatever.
Aaron and Brooke, Steven and Jinni and us, went to Fbx in February and had a weekend all together. We stayed in a rental and it was SOOOO much fun! It's definitely something we'll do again and it was a really great time together.
Earlier this year, Angela and I were talking about how we should get gifts for the people that stay, and though we laughed, we decided to do it.
We got something awesome for each of the people who work at HGC and wrote them a card to tell them what we appreciate and value about them. It was really cool.
Life Goals:
In no particular order:
- Go camping a couple times this summer
- Have Jackson read through the summer
- Get Juliet to wipe her own bum!
- Get Emma to STOP sucking her thumb
- Get Juliet to stop sucking her thumb
- Get on top of keeping our domain tidy.
- Do something fun at least once a week.
- Be disciplined on the allowance
- Jack stop wetting bed
- Get my health on track
- Finding time to connect with God.
Thoughts:
I was going to use this section to talk about any spiritual thoughts I have. HA! I am not having many at the moment. Most of the time, I carry around this guilt that I am not doing enough to have a relationship with God. And then if I have to give an opening or whatever, I feel like I am being religious. The devil never lets you win. There is always a voice telling you that you aren't good enough or are fake or are stupid, etc etc etc.
I set an alarm every week day that I had to stop and pray and/or read the bible. But I let myself get lazy about it and got out of the habit. I carry guilt around for that too. I do know that I need to connect, but I fight the complacency of just not wanting too. I do try to use the time when I am doing something that doesn't need focused attention, to pray and at least put a toe in the water.
I've been asking God to tell me what He wants me to do and to show me how he wants me to do it.. Like, fill the form! I don't want to be lazy about this part of my life, as it's really the most important, and considering what a flop I am making of being a good mom, I NEED the help!
I had to talk at Madeleine's baby shower and I thought of the scripture in James 1:5 where is says, "If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men Liberally.." I've been really meditating on that as I feel in sooo much need of wisdom, especially in regards to my kids.
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