August in Review

Jackson:
He lost another tooth! Finally. And then he stole his sister blender drink when she had HFM and he got so many sores in his mouth. He literally wouldn't open his mouth at all. I had to force him to drink water.
So many struggles with Jack. He has been especially horrible about listening. He constantly has to be reigned in and it's always a fight. 

Emma:

Emma has another loose tooth. This girl was very excited to go camping but she has been continually challenging us at every turn with wanting to be in charge and questioning the reason behind every order.  Dan says that she has improved and in a way she has, but she still reverts to

Juliet:

She had HFM for like a solid week with the most awful sores in her mouth. We were home for like three weeks. She then decides to partially dislocate her wrist.... Lord help us! She fortunately started to improve before we made the trip to Fbx so we changed it to going to see the Lion King and ate at Denny's with the kids. This ended up being our anniversary weekend, but what are ya going to do? 

Fitness:
Fine. My elbow still hurts, but I have been making progress in the HSW, though my BMU as still stupid.

Health:
I have definitely been feeling better since I started the probiotics, though I still need to avoid bread and wheat products. I can't seem to lose any weight and I would guess that it's a hormone thing? Who knows.

Adventures:
We finally went camping. It was ok. We were going to go to Tangle Lakes and get blueberries, but heard that they were scarce and didn't want to freeze our butts off no good reason, so we went to Chena Lakes instead. So many people, loud people, people having sex right next to our tent... Like dude. I could have done without hearing you do that. Oh well. The kids had a good time and that was the reason for doing it anyway.
We has a family anniversary weekend where we went to the Lion King and Denny's which is not the most romantic thing in the world, but then we also went to the island the next weekend with just Jinni & Steven and that was fantastic. We stayed up really late and the northern lights were amazing! It was a very fun, beautiful night. It was relaxing and after all the stress of the summer, it was really good. 

Life:

We found out that Dan can do a house arrest arrangement at the Condo and it is only for 5 days, so that is good. He still won't be allowed into Canada without a special permit that we have to apply and pay for and he still has to have a misdemeanor on his record forever, but oh well.

Special Moments: 

We had a communion/foot washing service the other day and as I was washing Dan's feet, I realized how angry I was at him and how much I needed to let it go. It's hard. I don't want to let it go. I like feeling wronged, because then it gets the attention off of all the ways I am failing.

Goals: 
Lose 7 lbs. Ge my act together. Try to be a better mom/person. Sleep.

Thoughts: 
No thoughts as this is seriously late but oh well. 

July In Review

Jackson:
We've had a much harder time with Jackson this month then we could have hoped. We've had to drop the hammer on him with taking notes and reading and it seems he is losing all progress he made last year. He fights us majorly every time we have him take notes, so now he has to do it every morning. I am also trying to read with him every day possible.
He has been having a great summer, playing in the dirt with Carsen. He and Isaac have been getting a long better and that is always encouraging.  We've had dirt piles all over the place all summer and he has been grubbing around in them all summer. He had fun with his cousins when they were here visiting, though not all of them. He and Shiloh took and instant and deep dislike to each other and were constantly fighting. 

Emma:
I think Emma is taking some ground this summer. She is has been having a good time on N&A and girls, even though she has a harder time with some teachers then others. But she is sometimes such a gem and sometimes she screeches and throws herself on the floor like a 2 year old. I guess the whole parenting thing is an ebb and flow of getting better, getting a litter bit worse, some more better......
It would be nice to actually feel like we take ground and keep ground. She is still excellent at organizing and helping when she feels like it. She is very capable when she decides to be or a giant PIA when she digs in her heels and wants to make a point. 

Juliet:
This child. The same day Dan went in for his arraignment, Juliet jumped off the top bunk and sprained her ankle. She did this on the 18th and is still hobbling around on the 31st. She also got HFM, which has been a treat too. She is getting more willful and more decidedly three by the day.
She loved having Shiloh and Natanya here. She kept asking where her Tanya was and if she could go to her house. Shiloh and her were two peas in a pod, despite the age difference and got on famously. She loves to swim and thinks she is farther along then she is and she loves to play with her sister and annoy her brother. She is as mischievous as the day is long. 

Fitness:

I got another ring muscle up this month, almost a year after the first time. I am so tired of always failing. We also did a couple partner WODs with BMU in them and I really sucked at them. Also discouraging. Like I said, I feel old and rickety and like life sucks. It's probably more to do with my stress level then my actual fitness.

Health:

OK. I actually have not felt too bad. I still haven't had a second appt. with the Dr. but apparently all my blood tests came back normal. So not helpful. I am trying to make my way through Beyond the Pill, as it has so much info in it. I kind of don't think that anything is going to get fixed but that could also be because of my outlook right now.

Adventures:
We found out we get to go back to Hawaii this month. (April 2020. ) SO excited about that and we found a really fun place to stay and have our tickets, so it's actually going to happen. My parents are coming for a week and that will be great to spend some time with them.
We were laying in bed the other morning when Dave and Christine were hear and I woke up like at 6:30 to the sound of thunder. (Very unusual) Rain, thunder, rain, thunder, rain BOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!! I sat straight up in bed, shouting an oath, with my heart pounding. I was like, "did that hit the house?!!?" More thunder, more rain, another giant boom. The girls slept through the whole thing. We later found out that it hit a tree across the way and near another of the houses. It was kind of cool in an awesome way.

Life:
This has been the worst month of my life. Well, maybe. Dan is being charged with a misdemeanor and will have that on his record for the rest of his life. He may lose his professional licenses, and won't be going to Canada without a special permit we have to apply for and a number of other things. I am angry and stressed and don't really know how to deal with all of this. Also work, has been STRESSED out. Dealing with employees who don't know us and know me and know how things work has not been fun. I want to just wash my hands of it and never deal with a holes again, but the problem is, there are always a holes. Everywhere.

Special Moments: 
We had a great 4th of July and Dan & I actually got to play volleyball together, which was kind of a miracle.
We had a really fantastic time with Dave and Christine and Co when they were here visiting. Unfortunately the weather sucked (in the sense that is was extremely smoky) We didn't get to go camping, which was a bummer. We still need to do that.
We went to the airshow and it was A-mazing! Alan and I kept looking at each other and geeking out. It was SO cool! Unfortunately we had to get Dave & Christine to the airport and it took forever to get off the base, so we had to leave early and it was really iffy if we were going to make it to the airport at all. 

Goals: 

I don't know. Be nice to people. Not feel like a truck is running me over and possibly finding some peace. 

Thoughts: 

Like I said above, it's been rough. I am stressed and angry. I have felt like a giant ball of anger and I am still trying to work through some of that and direct it in a productive way. I feel a bit stupid having so many struggles, when it really isn't that bad. But it feels that bad, so I just have to struggle and get on with it. 

June in review

Jackson:
We went to track and field, and it was wet and rainy and crappy. Jack ran the 50 Meter and because he was racing against 4th graders, he got left in the dust. It was sad. The look on his face when he finished last in his heat of 3 was like, "what just happened?" I felt really bad for him. He wasn't too disappointed though, because they weren't giving bikes away this year.
He has done a lot of playing in the dirt this summer as we can't seem to stop putting piles around our house. Constant dirt watch with him! Oh well. He is a boy and he does love it.
He has been having a really hard time with accidents this summer, for whatever reason. I am kind of at a loss as to what to do. We are going to have to do something though, because it's almost nightly. He doesn't seem to be phased by it, but it needs to stop.
He has been developing into a really good swimmer and it quite a fish going under the water and doing "tricks". I was surprised when we went to the gravel pit, that he was totally freaking out about going in the deep part even with a life jacket and me in a boat beside him.  

Emma:

Emma won first place at track & field and did SOOOO good! I loved how intent she was and how she gave it her all. She has not been loving being on Girls this summer, because she doesn't like being in the kitchen with some of the ladies. I've had to talk to her about her doing her part to give something to the place we live in. She is also getting very brave in the pool and stopped wearing a life jacket, because she can touch (just barely) and she has been practicing swimming under water. She also loves to paddle around in the canoe and is very much enjoying playing will dolls and her doll house this summer. 

Juliet:

Little Juliet is getting quite big. She is wearing 4T and it's not even close to being too big. She has been feeling her oats recently and we have been on her to be obedient. She likes took a while to like swimming, but once I lured her in, she took to it like a fish to water. She loves to put her head back and float on her back. She is a little scary though, because she thinks she can swim. Which she can't.
She is full of her own ideas of what should be happening in her life and she doesn't take to us crossing her plans. Pretty normal kid stuff.

Fitness:
BMU completely sucked at them one day and was much better the next. Still struggling to master the HSW. Pretty much, I feel like I am in a slow slide down a hill. But that could be just because I am tired and feel discouraged. 

Health:
Had my fist appointment with SteadyMD. I liked the guy and I hope that things will unfold well. I have to get a bunch of blood tests done and a stool test to see what is happening in my gut.  I have had a couple of times of pain. The main time being after I ate a breakfast sandwich. It was stupid and I regretted it for the following 24 hours. 

Adventures:

One Sunday, we got a side by side and a four wheeler and went out to Rainbow lake behind the farm. We had a really good time and I got to be brave and drive places I am not comfortable driving.  Jack loved it when we went through giant puddles and would giggle every time. I went through a big one and he didn't laugh and I looked over and he was falling asleep.
He let Juliet lay on his lap and sleep, on the way back.  We had a great time, though the kids did squabble a bit as well. It doesn't seem like we can really get away from it. It's also been amazingly nice, and so we've done a lot of sand beaching and gravel pitting with the kids. Lots of swimming and lots of fun. 

Life:
Pretty normal as far as that goes. Things are ticking along as per usual, though things are picking up at the office and we have family coming in July. That should be super fun. 

Special Moments: 

Emma won her race at Track and Field. I can't think of anything especially special other then a few fun family times of watching the Apple Dumpling Gang and eating dinner in the basement and the other little moments of snuggles and harmony. (They don't seem to happen very often.) 

Goals: 
We still need to go camping, though we have done some of the things we set out to do at the beginning of the summer.
I want to feel good!
I can't think of any goals either. I am pretty uninspired recently.

Thoughts: 
None. :)

May in Review

Jackson:
Jackson finished off his 2nd grade year. He did fairly well all year long, other then the giant in his land, of not listening. He has a guitar recital AND a play this year. He did well on his recital, though he messed up twice, even though he knew the piece forward and backwards. He was really bummed out about it. He did great in the play and didn't break character once or forget a line. The teachers were really happy, because he had not done well during practice. I feel two ways about that. Like, hello? Hours of boring play practice is never going to be easy for small boy. And two, it doesn't hurt him to be made to focus longer then he would choose.
He has had a bit of an emotional transition to summer, but seems to be settling down into the different routines. He was grumpy and whinny and would cry about everything. He is a child, who loves his routines. He and Carsen spent the first couple of weeks of summer in the unplanted part of the field behind the house digging in the dirt, using the hose to create rivers and generally getting completely filthy! I spent an hour one night scrubbing pants. He was then banned from wearing any when he played over there. (Only shorts) He was foiled by them planting the field so he was banished to the side in a much smaller patch.
He only has a very few friends around and I sometimes worry about that. But then I remember how I grew up, and I know he'll be OK.

Emma:

Emma did a FANTASTIC job on her EOY play. She shines best in the spotlight. Though she had issues with needing to go potty during her play. I know it was because she was nervous and that is just how she reacted to it. Diana told me she wanted to put her in a diaper, and I was like, ah no. We will not be traumatizing my six year old to your play. So we didn't and she was fine on the actual night and did a fantastic job. She is off to first grade next year, and I suspect she will do really well.
We are thinking about getting her ears pierced this summer. I wanted to do it years ago, but it's a big deal for some stupid reason. I am thinking to do Juliet at the same time and think it will be a good thing in the long run. It's just braving all the opinions of others......
Emma gets to be on girls this summer and is super excited about it, even though she seems to also be having an emotional transition to summer. Maybe all the emotions that I kind of tamp down come out in my children? It's a thought. I don't get it. Emma is going to her first Track & Field event this year and we have entered her into the 50 m run. I think she should do fairly well. We'll see.

Juliet:
Juliet is really growing into the "vexing everyone around you" stage. She is being ornery and fighting with her siblings a lot. Generally being a challenge. She does very cute things and so then it's easier to deal with all the little fits and ridiculous things happening.  She keeps saying, "I love you with my whole heart!"
She is also always saying "I hate you!" to her siblings and me and everyone. I have waged warfare on that one and have given her vinegar several times. Hopefully we'll start to see some good progress there.

Fitness:
Same as normal really. I have been working hard on the handstand walking, and seen both good results and depressing set backs. I also haven't made ANY progress in the RMU department as my elbow has continued to plague me. I have done a few workouts with BMU in it and done OK. My form leaves a LOT to be desired, but I can do the reps. I should do lots of drills and things, but I simply don't have the time or energy. MY running also sucks wind. I did Murph this month and was 3:30 minutes slower this year. That's not great. I went on a 3 mile run the other weekend too, and also sucked wind. I was running like 8:40 min miles. SO SAD! I just don't have the stamina anymore. I know that if I trained running again, I would get fast and speedy again, but I don't want too. I want to do Crossfit and somehow manage to keep my speed and endurance in running. Which, if I did a different more running focused CF programming, I could probably do it. But I also LOVE lifting heavy weights, so there ya go. I can only focus on so much at this stage of my life, and I am not willing to devote more then an hour, five days a week to working out. I will not let it consume my time to that extent.

Health:

Garbage. That is what my health is. It's been a rough month. I cut out wheat for the most part, including the weekends, after Emma's party, where I could hardly keep it together because I was so uncomfortable. But it hasn't seemed to really help. There are definitely other triggers and I am finding it difficult to find my way through the maze of what the hell should I do.
I set up an online appt. with an online Dr. We'll see how that goes and if I can get a direction. I am trying to cut out dairy (mostly cheese, milk, and a lot less yogurt) and eat more veggies, less grains. I am still bloated and I have had some terrible "crisis" type days where I feel like crap all day and can't get it to stop hurting. It's not a severe pain, but wearing. On a laundry day, when I took them to the island, I hurt from 10 in the morning, till two days later. It was a final straw kind of day.
So I am taking all the herbs, and doing all the things and trying to figure what the H is happening with my guts. I am a bit pessimistic about the chances of getting actual help from this online Dr. but we can at least make a step.
The kids seem to be doing well, though Emma still complains about her belly. Juliet has been too, though I am not sure that she isn't just copying Emma. I have been giving Emma non dairy milk, and that has helped. I might need to cut down on wheat products with her. She is so dramatic about everything, that it's hard to know if she is really reacting to stuff or not.

Adventures:

We have done some adventuring together, but not a lot yet. We need a free weekend! It's been busy and we haven't had a lot of time or opportunity to do anything yet.
We did let the kids have a "sleep over" in Jack's room. Of course no one slept, and Juliet got up before 7. It was not a good kind of adventure.
There are the "normal adventures" that we do all the time, of going for walks and traipsing around this beautiful farm. Going to the island and sand beach, playing in the old barn and hiking up the bluff. I took Juliet alone up the bluff and to moose pond, which she decided to call Unicorn pond, because what could be better??
She loved it and has asked many more times if we can go on adventures. )I can't type it in the adorable way she says it.)

Life:

We've managed to go swimming some, even though it's still bloody cold in my mind. Interestingly enough, they are not stoked to ride their bikes. I think because the road is SO rocky and rough. But it makes things slower then could be desired.
This are jogging along as per usual and I am trying to make sure that I make the effort to enjoy the moments that I am in right now. I love this time of year and it goes by so quickly. I love looking out my window at the grass and green trees and beautiful flowers. It is very soothing to the soul to have the beauty of summer after the long dark cold of winter.
Dan and I are doing really good as far as relationship, and even though we've never had a "hard time", I feel like as we keep jogging on, we have kept the closeness and the joy of being together alive and well. He is still my best friend and the person I want to be around all the time. I still miss him during the day when we aren't together and miss him even more if he has to be away during the night. (Which is rare.) He's definitely not perfect and either am I, but we are truly lucky and fortunate to have recognized each other and decided we were onto a good thing that needed pushing along. :)

Special Moments: 
Mother's day, we sojourned all over the place and spent some time just outside and together. It was really fun and I will try to remember to post pictures of it. I find that the really special moments are usually pretty simple ones that we decide to make special.

Goals: 

Camping
Fourwheeling
Swimming
Gravel pit fun
Getting a stupid RMU this summer

Thoughts: 

I have thought that about how the most important thing that we can do for our kids, is love each other. They bask in it. Whenever Dan and I are being affectionate and the kids are around, they will all rush over to get in on the action. The look of complete satisfaction that is on their faces when we hug them and each other, is profound. That's all they want in their little world. Mom and Dad to love each other and them.

April in Review/General Life Catchup

I recently just went through this blog and reread posts about Juliet's first year. I loved having the memory prompts and the written history. So, I want to do that just for life. Probably only once a month, but I don't want this time in my life to flash by with only a handful of memories in my grasp.

I was talking to Dan about high school memories and realized, that I barely remember anything. I have a handful of memories. Sometimes, if I see a picture, it comes back, but he was talking about things that I had absolutely no memory of whatsoever. I was there and there is nothing. 

So, to prevent that, I at least want to have an idea of what my life has been filled with when I try to remember it 10 years from now. 

Jackson:
Jackson is now 8. EIGHT! I don't even know how that happened! He is about to wrap up 2nd grade and has had a pretty good year. Of course, there have been all kinds of challenges for him, primarily choosing to focus when he would rather be thinking all the interesting thoughts in his head.
He also likes to invade other's personal space, and gets into trouble for it regularly. What started as an interest in building, has definitely been developing into a talent for creativity. He builds bridges and houses and all kinds of things with popsicle sticks and hot glue.
He tapes. EVERYTHING! Before we moved from the Shop, I spent a good portion of time, peeling tape from off of all the things. Walls, toys, furniture, carpets, door handles. EVERYWHERE!
We have a rule in the new house, that he is NOT allowed to put any tape anywhere but on the specific project he is working on and that also means he is not allowed to tape the walls or any furniture.
He has learned to read fairly well, and been working on his guitar and has been making good progress in it. Though the practicing scene this year has been REALLY fun. <garh>
He is doing his recital in a few days and that should be interesting. He has talent and actually wants to do everything by ear, but I have been a hard ass on making him learn to read the music too.
He's had all kinds of issues this year with Gabriel DiGloria and that has been a hard one for me to know what to say and how to help him through it.
So much about this boy is amazing and kind of exceptional, and then he is just a grubby little boy, who still throws fits and whines about a lot of things.
He is fantastic and I'm lucky to be his mom, but boy do I need wisdom to teach him what he needs to learn! HELP!
He is still having accidents regularly and I am kind of lost as to what to do. We've been really careful not to make it a huge issue. He doesn't get into trouble and we don't look at him disapprovingly or make him feel bad about it. I don't want this to be a scar. BUT, I also want to help him be finished with it and so I am trying to find the line between too much, and pushing him a little bit to become more aware of his body and not wait until he is having to pinch it off, to go pee during the day, so he becomes aware of the signals before it's an emergency. I think it will correlate at night, because he will realize before it's actually coming out that he needs to wake up and go. We'll see.

Emma: 
Emmay Joy. This girl. I was telling Dan last night about all the things I had written about her when Juliet was a baby. It seems, that every month, I was talking about the struggles that we were having with here. He asked me what they were, and I said, "arguing with everything, dramatic and falling apart and the drop of a hat and crying about everything." I stopped and was like, pretty much the same stuff as now! Three years later. She has come a long way and she is an amazing little girl. Yet, she still falls about and wails about the least thing. She still challenges us on EVERYTHING we say, and she still likes to be dramatic. I was thinking yesterday as I was praying for her, that I shouldn't be trying to change the way she is. Or try to make her less emotional or less dramatic. I need to help her harness that, and teach her how to handle her emotions. I am not supposed to change her person, only direct it and mold it into the shape it should be.
Anyway, all that to say, Emma. She has done SOOOO well in school. Much better then I was anticipating. She takes to school like a duck takes to water. She loves to learn and do things and is smart and can be. She can memorize just about anything almost immediately.
Her struggles are when she decides she knows better and won't listen to her teacher or to her parents. (and her brother.) She can also be a bit a jerk to her friends. We had to get on her for being mean to Jordan. She was criticizing everything Jordan said and putting her down for no reason. (There's never a good reason to put someone down.)
I was asked to come be at school with her one every other week and I felt like I really should because of it giving me the opportunity to spend one on one, specific attention on her. It's been really good, though not the most fascinating thing in the world. I am DEFINITELY not a teacher (other then being a mom) and won't be doing it again if I can help it. But I am glad to have had the chance to see her in her element, without the other two around.
Like I said, she shines in school and when getting up in front of people. She is a born performer and also one of the most genuinely friendly people I've ever known. She did NOT get that from me!
Her EOY play is happening in two weeks and I hope that goes well, but I expect her to shine yet again.
We're still working on her blanky/sucking her thumb. Hoping to make more progress on that this summer. She no longer sucks her thumb habitually, but every once in a while we catch her at it. 

Juliet:

My Julie girl. This child is a big ball of energy, sass, and fun. She is exactly what I thought her personality would be from the very first weeks of life. She loves to joke and play, she is sweet and fun, and she is sassy as the day is long. She is well in the threenager stage and flexing all her willful muscles. She likes to say things to get reactions. The other morning Dan put her on our bed, as usual to wake up and get dressed. She always asks for the Grinch blanket and he put it on her. She then says, "Dad, you MUST wrap it behind me!" We looked at each other and were like, "oh we  must, must we?" Such a character. Her drawing skills have just ramped up and she has been drawing the large heads with legs poking off them. This morning, the family portrait, looked like a lot of scary looking snakes. :)
She is just as dramatic as Emma, and maybe even more so. I am not sure what I've don't to deserve it, but I am definitely paying for my sins! The drama about skirts! DAILY! She wants to wear all of Emma's clothes, even though they are all way too big for her. She also wants to dress up all the time and she spent at least a month asking Joy if she could borrow Jeneane's special pink dress. I finally had to tell her that she wasn't allowed to ask anymore unless she was WITH Joy.
Speaking of which, Joy is the favorite teacher and she hardly ever gets to be with her, so there are lots of tears whenever she is on childcare and with other people. Oh the fun.
She is still sucking her thumb and snuggling her blanky. When she can't get it, she borrows Emma's, which is just as yucky and used. But whatever.

Fitness:
Still doing Crossfit 5 days a week. I have given up on the idea of getting 6 days. Every once in a while I can do it, but I honestly don't have enough energy for it. My body is already just TIRED a lot of the time and I don't want to push it to adrenal fatigue anymore then I already have. So, I do the Invictus Performance work outs and have seen a lot of progress over the last three years. All my lifts are getting better, my gymnastics are moving along, albeit, slowly, but there is still progress. The only thing that has suffered is running. I just can't go nearly as fast as I used too. It doesn't surprise me, and I know that I could add it back in and get better at it, but I just don't want too. A few reasons being, I don't have the time to add on to my current WOD's and secondly, I don't have the energy. I think if I added two days of running, I would get better again, and I would lean out a bit. But I honestly don't think it will happen.
My goal for the next year is to get some of the gymnastic movements down and improve my form on some of the trickier lifts. EVERYTHING overhead would be good.

• Handstand walking - getting it but it's definitely a work in progress. 
• BMU - need to eliminate the chicken wing and get endurance 
• Strict HSPU - These are so damn hard! I can sometimes get a few, but very limited and not all the time. 
• RMU - GRRR. I need to have a focused effort on these and get strict first, but I have little time to work on accessories. Also I have to be careful because my body starts breaking down and things start getting strained. Like weird muscles under my clavicle and elbow/forearm tendons and things. 
• I also need to figure out how to string CTB pull ups together. I can do a lot of them in singles, but have no ability to do them kipping in large sets. 
• Snatch - these are getting better, but still need help. 
• JERK! I am so bad at this. 

Health:

My health has been iffy this last year. Mostly my gut health, and subsequently my hormone health. I am fairly sure I have IBS to some degree, as a lot of my symptoms match up with it. So, brain fog, blood sugar crashes, night sweats, hot flashes, fatigue , major gut issues etc.
It's been very irritating. I had blood work done a while ago and while all my levels were "in normal range", I don't feel good and there is definitely a hormone imbalance happening as well. I have been supplementing with an adrenal booster and thyroid help. But I haven't noticed any kind of improvement. Maybe I'm even taking the wrong things.... who knows.
Last fall, I had a colon spasm episode, where I was in so much pain that I thought I might pass out. I was unable to stop moving and walking/pacing around and I was in tears. The cramping was so intense, it definitely compared to labor. Only worse, because there was no letting up and rhythm to it. I took one of Dan's Hydrocodone pills from his procedure (he got the snip!) and it didn't touch the pain for like 30 - 45 minutes. It sucked. But I didn't learn my lesson, because after a few stressful weeks and eating way too much bread, I had another gut crisis a few weeks ago. After 4 days of a lot of pain and feeling absolutely wretched, I decided to stop being an idiot and fix my health. So, I started taking all the supplements again, and have cut out bread and wheat, since I know it's a trigger for sure.
I am doing NONE for a month and then if I am still messed up after that, I will cut way back on dairy and then if that still isn't fixing it, will look at grains and things. It is much more manageable to work backwards then to cut everything out and then add things back in.
I am about two weeks in and am feeling better, though not great. I still am bloated and retaining a lot of water and I am not sure why or how to fix it. I do know that I need to cut back on sugar as well and not eat so much period, but like usual, I am hungry a good portion of the time and I find it really hard not to snack when I am at the office. I don't mean a snack here or there, but a steady constant putting food in my mouth all morning long.
I do feel like I am making steps in the right direction, but I might need to get some help from an online Dr. if I can't get things under control.
I have been thinking that I should start taking my temps again, to see what is happening with my cycle and have more information, but of course I haven't done that again yet.
I still sit at about 145 or slightly higher most of the time, despite wanting to be at 140 and even giving it  a go earlier this year. I got down to 141 and then my guts went to hell and now it's fluctuating all over the place.
If I'm honest, I look about like I did 7 months PP and while not being SUPER happy with my body, I am also no really unhappy with it. I would like to lean out a bit, stop having a pooch and all that. But at this point, the whole focus is on my guts to heal them and fix my hormone issues.

Adventures:

We did our annual island adventure with a huge group of people and that was super fun. We've had countless walks up the bluff and Dan took Jack back through the moose ponds and up the backside of the bluff. I am glad I wasn't there as I think I would have died of a heart attack. I have no head for my kids being at heights!
We took the kids to the theater last winter and the swimming pool recently. Juliet has asked us every day for the past 6 months or so, if we can go camping again, and so that will be a priority this summer. Get out and camp. Yick, but I will do it for their sake.
I also took them to the island on Wednesday, and though it was really fun while it lasted, the screaming, wailing fits when it was time to go home, really put a damper on it.

Life:

Life has been hectic and busy and good and stressful and all the things. We've had a lot of turmoil at the farm, and a lot of people have left, but it feels like it's kind of settling down. (Fingers crossed) The hope is, that those of us that are left, actually want to be here and are really called to be here.
There are lots of school things happening the next two weeks and then we have summer. And I have all the kids with me. Lord help. Mostly the fighting between Jack and Emma. I don't know how to make them not be jerks to each other.
I have ideas of projects to do with them, but I do also know that I lose energy to fight with them and make them do things, so we'll see how that works out.

I told Dan that we must have a date night soon. Even if it's just getting rid of the kids for a few hours and a 4 wheeler ride out back with a pick nick. I just want some time alone with him without kids and without phones.

Special Moments: 
So many birthdays this month! We had a party for Jack and then one for all the birthday girls in Emma's class. For the first time, Jack wanted a cake that tastes good instead of a fancy decorated cake. So we had angel food cake with strawberries and whip cream and fruit salad. It was a hit.
I did a horse cake for Emma and it was OK. but not my best effort.
Juliet's cake this year was a unicorn cake, since she has been obsessed with them for a good 6 months now. (This morning she asked my what Unicorn poop looked like.... )
We've had some fun times reading and eating snacks and it was really special when we got the kids Guinea pigs. Jack loved them for a few weeks, now we have to remind him to go play with them.... But Dan was super excited about it, so whatever.
Aaron and Brooke, Steven and Jinni and us, went to Fbx in February and had a weekend all together. We stayed in a rental and it was SOOOO much fun! It's definitely something we'll do again and it was a really great time together.
Earlier this year, Angela and I were talking about how we should get gifts for the people that stay, and though we laughed, we decided to do it.
We got something awesome for each of the people who work at HGC and wrote them a card to tell them what we appreciate and value about them. It was really cool.

Life Goals:
In no particular order:

• Go camping a couple times this summer
• Have Jackson read through the summer
• Get Juliet to wipe her own bum!
• Get Emma to STOP sucking her thumb
• Get Juliet to stop sucking her thumb
• Get on top of keeping our domain tidy. 
• Do something fun at least once a week.
• Be disciplined on the allowance 
• Jack stop wetting bed
• Get my health on track
• Finding time to connect with God. 

Thoughts:
I was going to use this section to talk about any spiritual thoughts I have. HA! I am not having many at the moment. Most of the time, I carry around this guilt that I am not doing enough to have a relationship with God. And then if I have to give an opening or whatever, I feel like I am being religious. The devil never lets you win. There is always a voice telling you that you aren't good enough or are fake or are stupid, etc etc etc.
I set an alarm every week day that I had to stop and pray and/or read the bible. But I let myself get lazy about it and got out of the habit. I carry guilt around for that too. I do know that I need to connect, but I fight the complacency of just not wanting too. I do try to use the time when I am doing something that doesn't need focused attention, to pray and at least put a toe in the water.
I've been asking God to tell me what He wants me to do and to show me how he wants me to do it.. Like, fill the form! I don't want to be lazy about this part of my life, as it's really the most important, and considering what a flop I am making of being a good mom, I NEED the help!
I had to talk at Madeleine's baby shower and I thought of the scripture in James 1:5 where is says, "If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men Liberally.." I've been really meditating on that as I feel in sooo much need of wisdom, especially in regards to my kids.